Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im part way to drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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