So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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