i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
