hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
