So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
