I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
