you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
