OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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