You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
