And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize