Moan for me like Helen Keller
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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