you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
