I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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