NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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