I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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