what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
