he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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