I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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