shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize