She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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