just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
