I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary