I cannot find my penis.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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