is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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