3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.