Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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