I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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