I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this hospital has no fireball
I need to align my fucking chakras
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
