he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
