I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
