She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
