Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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