remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
