Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
