When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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