Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Help me help you realize you are a moron
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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