Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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