That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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