I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
