How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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