i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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