When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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