You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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