I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
