Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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