i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize