Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
