I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
