So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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