3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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