Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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