Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
