This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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