I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
