I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
