Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize