do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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