my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
