I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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