did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its liver damage thursday
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