It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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