My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
