it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
