just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
