You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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