So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
