hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
