We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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