So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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