I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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