I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
