My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
