It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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