You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
