I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
