3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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