Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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