She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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