My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
