i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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