I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
