my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
