I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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