Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Soap is not a condiment
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
