Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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