If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
