If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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