Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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