I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
