apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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