I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
