Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
